Blandford YFC you must be the most well behaved, innocent and down right dull young farmers in Dorset, 3months have passed since the last dose of manure was spread and still this column gets no easier to write. That aside lets have a crack at up dating everyone on the recent goings on in Blandford YFC.

After SWA the next event was a pre-rally disco at the piddletrenhide massive. Vixen provided most of the entertainment again because it was his birthday! DJ blobs decided that as Vixen had not seen a naked female since his trip to FYEO about 5 years ago, a stripper could be in order, so a particularly sexy lady proceeded to entertain the150 onlookers by publicly humiliating the poor boy (good job he had his best boxers on).

2 Weeks later saw another pre-rally disco after the tug of war at Wareham. A huge turn out of Blandford members provided potential for a little bit of luv. Junior 'heartbreaker' Green was again in the headlines as after a lengthy chat with Love Dr Gimp weaved his magic with Victoria on the dance floor leaving a large crowd of devastated young lady's on the headlands. Gimp also managed to corner a victim and nearly persuaded her to come and check out his bachelor pad (3 single blokes, 6 months, no action!) Hamster was seemed to eye up a young lady, but lost his bottle at the last moment. Vixen managed to avoid the advance of Rebecca, using a few choice words, and Samma made an appearance after a spot of baby-sitting.

Early May saw a trio of Blandford members depart for the nationals in Blackpool. Gimp, Mebitch and Hamster apparently had a great time, but all have the same answer to questions. "What happened in Blackpool stays in Blackpool."

A week later saw another pre-rally disco at Ansty Village Hall. Blandford could mainly be found hiding in the corner of the hall early on but later, lots of noisy dancing was seen and Pete even got jiggy with another member of Blandford. Gimp fancying a night of beer rather than a night of passion, forgot to inform his most recent admirer (who he met at the last disco) that he was to attend. So when she turned up and found him blind drunk, molesting every female in sight created a bit of an atmosphere to say the least! He was even seen disappearing on to the dance floor with a certain birthday girl for G&S. Not surprisingly Gimp was back on the market again by 7am the following morning courtesy of a text!

The rally was soon upon us at the end of May. Gimp again looked quite fetching dressed as a bride but was unable to fight Stur for Mr Dorset Young Farmer, however Ashlee was obviously a more impressive sports man, who swept the board with her aggression to become Miss Dorset Young Farmer. The rally disco in the evening was well attended by Blandford even if some were a little late. Junior 'heartbreaker' Green was again causing friction between friends as Vicky found Emma inspecting his tonsils outside the barn door. Free and very much single Gimp was yet again seen on the dance floor with Miss Buckler from G&S.

The following week Blandford had their own Disco. Blandford turned out on force but all the other clubs seemed to be discoed out as the turn out was poor. However, Blandford members used the quiet bar to take advantage in both gaining drinks over it and also using it as a podium. Several Blandford Girls did a good rip off of Coyote Ugly (Surprisingly it is still in one piece). Some of the boys took the opportunity to eye up the talent especially the one wearing a short skirt. Jason denies looking up it but could Stuart really have resisted too?

The party of the year was to follow, DJ Blobs, Vixen, Gimp and Feeder decided it was about time to repay other members for parties they had been to, and show the next lot of members how to do it in the future. The bouncy Castle seemed to allow much needed pent up aggression to be taken out on each other in a rough but friendly manner. (Dangerous) Dave decided that since Junior Green to South Africa he would step in with Emma and was seen to use his special powers in the depths of the bouncy castle. The last time that happened at a Bloxworth Party it lead to an engagement and the wedding is next month. So beware! The beer cooler of a pond (patent pending) made sure everyone was well lubricated, However Feeder decided to have a ruckus with Gimp and ended up finding out the depth, and chill factor of the modified pond, in the process cutting her foot and having to be taken to A&E in the early hours of the morning. All the other hosts were supposed to have managed to pull apart from the injured one, who found her elderly boy friend had had too many panda pops and sadly keeled over in the yard. This meant he was unable to kiss it better and only recovered after horlicks and slippers were found!

Muckspreader

South West Area Special.

Shortly after the last edition a few carloads of eager members made the long journey to S.W.A (Oh no it was only at Weymouth). Some were veterans, some losing their virginity for the first time (in a SWA tense of course.) The Norfolk hotel was to be our shelter for the weekend, and being held up by scaffolding it really did resemble a shelter! A shortage of available accommodation in town forced us to dig in with Marshwood, Sturminster and Wareham members, which was to raise our drinking standards to new levels!

Friday saw the normal routine of dump bags in room, find nearest pub, proceed to drink dry, then venture off out of town to find the evening do. In this case it was the Haven Holiday Park, a venue with memory's for some people from Dorch's valentines ball earlier in the year. Friday passed without incident except for Vixen and Gimp trying to push over the main sign in the ballroom, before nearly getting thrown out by the bouncers. The weekend was a very coupley sort of affair, so the club lacked potential for notches on headboards but had plenty of scope for domestics. Saturday saw the usual suspects slope off to the pub to try and win the all day drinking competition. Feeder was delivered by the man formerly know as Fighting to participate in the 10 pin bowling. But sadly he felt a little too mature and left Feeder to assist the club in its efforts in draining Weymouth of all alcoholic substances (meths was on the menu.)

By 5pm Vixen was found on a table in Weatherspoons awake, but unable to speak and Feeder was bouncing around the pub sporting drinking injuries and play(ish) fighting with Stur boys. Hamster was again overwhelmed by the enormity of the day and decided to have a power knap on the barstool. Ridout found Weymouth had a one way system so was not seen again until Sunday. Sadly an early casualty was Vixen who after regaining the power of speech mentioned something about food, and was not seen for 5 hours until he made it back to the hotel.

Gimp, Mebitch and Junior Green had to play catch up as they had missed out on all day drinking due to sporting fixtures but did well and were also in a suitable state by the time a change of dress (and sex) occurred before the evening bash with a theme of tarts and vicars. Mebicth and Gimp both made fetching flange, but the sexiest honey was Junior Green, who nearly got some loving off the Marshwood boys at the bar (anything goes in West Dorset). Feeder had forgotten her skirt but a suitable belt was found and the taxi driver summed it up with "f**k that is short!". It's amazing what alcohol will give you the confidence to do!

Sunday saw nearly all of Blandford with minging hangovers, facing the pouring rain to participate in some sort of sporting fixture.

A great weekend was had by all, and everyone returned safely back home on Sunday (after kicking a*se in the sports).


That's it for this edition, but for all those bad Blandford boys and girls out there, remember the muckspreader is watching!